Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
