One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I intend to get homeless drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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