Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
