That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
