All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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