Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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