....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
