Christians are straight up FREAKS
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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