I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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