Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
