love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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