But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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