can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
