He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
