i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
