A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you had me at cake vodka
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
