i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
