im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize