Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
