I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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