No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
please don't ironically join a cult
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