My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
