i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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