I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
