someone threw a dead crab at me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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