I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
