we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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