he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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