if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
