i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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