Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
