a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
