I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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