This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
