My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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