I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
