An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
