so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
