nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
