there's paper in my vomit.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
