so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
