hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
