Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
