So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
