My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
