I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
