I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
