alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
