We won't sleep together?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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