i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
