So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
