so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
