Pappa wants mamma naked
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
