Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
