True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
