i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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