wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
