that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
