Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
