o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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