So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
