as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
