Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
