he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
