yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
