I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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